Whose Side are You On
by Persiana13
Summary: Inspired by a game, the X-men get into a strange argument. Insanity Ensues!


**Whose Side are you On? **

_Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Marvel. _

One Shot

Scott Summers, the teen mutant Cyclops, and Jean Grey, the red-headed telepath, were outside the mansion, lounging in one of the large lawn chairs. Scott looked at his girlfriend,

"It's quiet."

Jean nodded,

"Yes, it is. But, it won't be for long."

Scot got concerned,

"An attack is coming?"

Jean shrugged,  
"We always have to be on alert for the Brotherhood or anyone else that tries and attack us. But, that isn't the only thing. Sometimes, things can get a little crazy."

The team leader of the X-men shook his head,

"Come on. How can things get crazy?"

Jean said,

"Kitty could be cooking."

Cyclops nodded,  
"All right, that's a good point."

Jean then added,

"Or Forge could invent something that can go out of control and deliver a nuclear disaster all over the world."

Scott responded,

"That hasn't happened. Not yet, anyway."

Jean continued,  
"Then Wolverine could go into one of his fits and-."

Cyclops conceded,  
"All right, I get it. Things can get a little crazy. But, even after all those things, there is no possible way things can get any crazier than they already are."

Suddenly, there was a loud explosion that rocked the inside of the mansion. Several windows were blown out and Jean and Scott looked up. A female voice shouted,

"I'M TELLING YOU; VAMPIRES BEAT ANYONE!"  
Scott said,

"That sounds like Jubilee"

A male voice laughed,

"Yeah, right! All robots have to do is wait until the sun comes up! Then, vampires are toast!"

Jean said,

"That's Ray."

Another female voice shouted,  
"Robots? Two words for you, Berserker; Zombie Hoard!"

"Zombies will get destroyed by wizards! Hands down!"  
"Aliens! They have the tech to do anything!"

"That is if the ninjas don't kill 'em all first!"

"Prepostorous! Dinosaurs are large creatures! They would win!"

"Nah, they wouldn't! Werewolves would curse them before they would get to do anything!"

"_Nien_, pirates! Swashbucklers extraordinaire!"

At the last comment, there were the sounds of a fight going on. Cyclops covered his face,

"What is this argument all about now?"

Jean shook her head,

"I don't know, but we had better go and break them up before they cause any serious damage."

A sofa was thrown out of a window and landed on the surface of the pool, creating a big splash. Both Jean and Scott were drenched in water and the sofa sank to the bottom. The red-headed telepath said,

"I should rephrase that. We had better go and break them up before they can cause any _more_ damage."

Scott winced,

"Professor Xavier is never going to believe this."

As the two teens walked inside the house, they saw Kurt Wagner, the teen Nightcrawler, teleporting in the room with a rapier. He was cackling maniacally as Tabitha Smith, the teen mutant Boom-Boom, hurled time bombs,  
"Die, fuzzy elf! Die!"

Nightcrawler teleported again and the resulting bombs exploded near Cyclops. One sent the optic blasting mutant into a wall, acting deliriously. Jean knelt near him,

"Scott, are you all right?"

Scott giggled,  
"Mommy, I wanna bake cookies with you."

Jean shook her head and then telepathically called out,  
_ENOUGH!_

Everyone held their head, experience an intense headache. Tabitha held her head, groaning,

"What the hell?"

The red-headed telepath said,

"Now, what is the argument all about?"

Amara, who was slightly disheveled, explained,

"We were having a discussion on whom could take over the world the quickest. I say it is dinosaurs."

Nightcrawler, who was dressed like a pirate,  
"_Nien_, Amara. Dinosaurs are extinct. And, even if they vere not, they could not travel as far or as fast as pirates!"

Ray rolled his eyes,

"Are you both high? Robots would win! They could build themselves to fly or go underwater. Or even underground!"

Roberto countered,

"Hah! Aliens would just blow up the planet!"

Jaime came in next, along with his clones. All of them were dressed like ninjas, all in black. Each of them was sporting a ninja weapon and the lead Jaime shouted,

"Ninjas forever!"  
At this, the herd of clones jumped on everyone in the room, making bad martial arts sounds. Jubilee picked up one of the clones,

"Oh yeah? Let's see your ninjas do this!"

She delivered a power bomb right onto a wooden table, but it was only a clone, which seemed to disappear. Iceman then shot the fire-works making mutant with a freeze beam,

"Hah! Wizards will beat anyone! They'd blow up the planet first! And, they can freeze things!"

Tabitha threw several of the Jaime ninjas off and hurled a bomb at Bobby,

"Yeah, but zombies can overrun them!"

As the fighting continued to escalate, Cyclops shouted,  
"KNOCK IT-!"

Too late as a stray fireball hit his face and he ran around, screaming,

"AAAHH! IT BURNS! AAAAHHH!"

Jean shouted,

"I'll get the water!"

Rogue walked in at that moment,

"What's goin' on here?"

Nightcrawler teleported behind her, his pirate hat in ribbons and singed,

"Nothing, Rogue. Ve vere having a discussion."

Rogue looked at the hat,

"That debate again about who could take over the world the fastest?"  
The fuzzy blue mutant nodded. The goth girl rolled her eyes,

"Kurt, I hate to say it, but vampires win."

Jubilee cheered,  
"Yes! Finally someone sees it!"

The other non-vampire supporters looked at Rogue in aghast surprise. Rogue looked back,

"What? If a vampire is strong enough, they can withstand the sun."

Ray shouted,

"Get her!"

At this, the fight resumed, and the ninja Jaimes struck again.

Meanwhile, Scott and Jean were in the infirmary. Scott's hair was burned and he groaned,

"I don't understand it. How did this happen?"

Jean shrugged,

"I don't know. But, you just rest."

The optic blasting mutant shook his head,

"You know something; I don't think the Brotherhood would be this passionate about this argument."

**At the Brotherhood residence… **

Wanda Maximoff, the auburn-haired hex mistress Scarlet Witch, had a glowing hand as she glared,

"Now, are we all in agreement?"

Pietro Maximoff, Wanda's twin brother and the mutant Quicksilver, was laying face first on the floor. Fred Dukes, the rotund mutant Blob, was on top of him, also in pain. Lance Alvers and Todd Tolensky, the mutants Avalanche and Toad respectively, were petrified with fear on a wall on the opposite end of the room. Pietro nodded, screaming,  
"YES! WIZARDS ARE THE GREATEST!"

Wanda smiled,

"Thank you."

With that, she sat on the couch and began meditating. Todd decided to speak up,

"Uh, Wanda?"  
Wanda instantly glared at the amphibian mutant,  
"WHAT?"

Todd shook his head,  
"I just want to get a drink of water."

Wanda closed her eyes,

"Fine. You may do so."

Pietro shouted,  
"Blob! Get off of me! BLOB! YOUR UGLY BODY IS MASHING MY BEAUTIFUL ONE!"  
Wanda inhaled and exhaled deeply, enjoying a moment of tranquil relaxation.

End of One Shot

Author's Note: This idea came to me after watching a game called Smash Up. It is a card game where players pick two factions and do battle with each other in an attempt to take over the world. It is a fun game to play. Please look it up. You'd like it.


End file.
